I spent the morning trying to fit the last few months into bags and defrosting the freezer with plastic cutlery. I woke up after a rather sleepless night feeling tired and content, and decided that I needed to walk around the city one last time. Edinburgh has kept its charm right up to the very end. I could live here for 50 years, Groundhog Day style, and never tire of it. It's not a city that many would romanticize. But there is something ancient deep within it's foundation that bathes the city in something akin to home. After every adventure that would take me miles away just the sight of the streets I'd come to love made me feel safe.
As I walked down the street past cafes, shops and pubs I felt the ghosts of everything and everyone filling the streets around me. As if I could look into a window and see my friends waiting for chips and cheese or something. I kept turning to tell someone about how weird it all felt or to recall some time or another only to remember that I was alone. I spent the tail end of last night with one of my few remaining friends in our usual tavern and found myself staring at the table where I sat on my very first night. It was occupied by some other group of people laughing and carrying on. Usual haunts lose their familiarity without the usuals, and the city is a little colder than it was.
As I write this I'm sitting in Black Medicine drinking a latte and remembering all the afternoons I spent working on this blog in here. Almost every post was written in this cafe with the smell of coffee and bacon perfuming the air. But even here I feel the absence of everyone who made this semester what it was.
The last week was like being tied to the tracks and just waiting for the train. With every "last drink" we recalled past nights and adventures, laughing, joking and sitting in silence just enjoying the good company. With each final gathering came the question, "what was your favorite day/night/trip/etc.?" For me it was the time between September 5th and tomorrow. I can't pick one day or night or adventure. I would never give up the nights we spent at ASDA or the days I spent sitting around my flat. Every moment was part of the whole, and even those wasted weren't.
I keep telling myself that all of the goodbyes I made, and those I missed, were not definite. That doesn't mean they hurt any less though. Right now sitting alone in one of my favorite spots in the city it all feels pretty final and it hurts like hell. By this time tomorrow I'll be racing back to a house full of people who love me, missed me, and can't wait to see me. I don't feel like I'm going home though. I feel like I leaving one home for another. Tonight I'll be in the tavern for my final drink, something I've done too many times. Thankfully I have someone to share it with.
This was just one chapter and I have faith we will meet again. But for now, this is it. To Edinburgh and to everyone I met for the all of the times I will always remember, slàinte mhath.
These were crazy times...
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